Bride refuses to wear her mother's wedding dress despite a promise she made to please her years ago, mom breaks down and won't let it go: 'I don't even want a white wedding'

Author image for Cata Holmes
Cata Holmes • Writer
Jul 6, 2026 5:15 PM EDT

Why should a childhood promise determine your wedding day?

This writer asked for advice in the Reddit community for the difficult situation she's involved with her mother. Apparently, when she was a kid, she promised her mom to wear her wedding dress if she ever got married. She did this because she had a complicated relationship with her and only wanted to please her. Fast forward, now she's a bride-to-be and doesn't want to wear that dress.

I'm sure this is a tough situation to be involved in. And especially if you had a complicated bond with your mother growing up. As kids, we would do whatever it took to gain our parents' recognition and approval, and promising your mother you'd use her gown if you ever got married sounds like it.

But it's totally understandable that, decades later, your taste changes and that you may want to have your own wedding dress for that special day. Any normal parent would agree that seeing your kid happy while planning their wedding is what they would want. Well… not for this mother.

When the bride told her she wouldn't use her dress and would like both of them to go dress shopping, the mom broke down in tears and felt totally betrayed. She even mentioned how her deceased dad would've loved to see her in that dress…

I'll let you dive into this complication by yourself, and let us know in the comments your opinion on this topic. Is it okay to break a promise you made as a kid?

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  • Bride-to-be sits alone reflecting on family expectations and a difficult decision involving her mother's wedding dress.
    via Unsplash+ (via Getty Images)

    Bride-to-be sits alone reflecting on family expectations and a difficult decision involving her mother's wedding dress.

    Editorial stock image used to illustrate the themes discussed. 

  • This small situation blew up for one reason, my boundaries.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • My mom(38f) and I(23f) a rough relationship but we still come together. Since I was a kid, she would pick with only me. Make me do things around the house, depend on me, arguments every days.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • One day when I was younger, my mom showed my sister and I her wedding dress. I don't know why I said it, I promised her that I would wear the dress. This was the first time I seen her actually smile, never liked smiling.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • Years passed, we still have that weird relationship. Anyways, my fiancé proposed to me 3 months ago. The wedding is in 5 months. Recently I've been setting up everything I wanted, first I needed a dress.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • I did tell my family that I was going dress shopping and asked if some of them wanted to come, I did tell my mom last because I knew what was going to happen. That's why I didn't want to tell her because for weeks she been asking if I want to try on the dress.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • She was upset, she asked why was looking for a dress when she had hers for me to wear. I told her before that I changed my mind, my sister can probably keep it. She started crying saying all she wants to see is me in her dress, how my dad would've been happy to see me in it. He passed a month ago.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • I understood how she was feeling but that was years ago when I said it. Now that I'm older, other dresses catch my eye. Worse part, I don't even want a white wedding. I told her I didn't want it so stop bugging me about that it, she kept pushing though. She was stressing me out so I told her no, in a firm way.
    via ConditionKey7353

  • Redditors stood with the OP here and supported her decision not to use her mother's dress. Honestly, I think any advice we could give her won't really help her out since the problem here is the bad relationship she has with her mother. The best approach is to talk to the mom calmly, remind her that the promise was made decades ago, and that she'd love to go dress shopping with her.

  • Only-Breadfruit-6108 Your mother is 15 years older than you, so that's a nice little twist. Poor thing has her childhood ripped away from her. You're NTA for not wanting to keep a promise made when you were a child saying childish things. You also don't have to become a marine biologist because you loved dolphins.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • Ipso-Pacto-Facto You mom had you at 15 - how old was she when she wore her dress? You changed your mind. Life goes on.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • A traditional wedding dress stands ready for a ceremony, symbolizing family traditions, memories, and competing expectations.
    via Unsplash+ (via Marina Abrosimova)

    A traditional wedding dress stands ready for a ceremony, symbolizing family traditions, memories, and competing expectations.

    Representative photograph provided for context. 

  • MedicinalWalnuts NTA. Stick to your guns. Don't fall for the emotional manipulation. You deserve to wear whatever dress you want.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • Massive_Double_9468 NTA. We all promise things and say things when we're younger that won't always follow through. I also think her emotions about things like this are a lot stronger considering you lost your dad very recently, sorry for your loss btw. If that wasn't the current situation happening on the sidelines, this probably would have had a different outcome. Regardless, you're a grown woman and can make your OWN decisions for YOUR wedding whether that upsets her or not.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • Needs Perspective269 NTA. If you don't lie the dress you shouldn't be force to wear it.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • Alarming Tie_9873 It is your wedding day and it should be everything you want. Having said that, could you wear it for photos and get one for her? Maybe try to get one that is enhanced.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • KeyPhotojournalist15 Did she have you at 15? How old was she when she got married?
    via ConditionKey7353
  • morningstar234 Sleepless in Seattle, try on the dress, or look at it again, but in the end. You do your wedding your way, just as your mom did her wedding her way NTA
    via ConditionKey7353
  • Cringeoid NTAH. Its your wedding your choice. Your mom was also not a good person. You pretty politely declined and while it's understandable why she's upset, she needs to understand.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • Reina_Royale NTA. You're allowed to change your mind and she needs to be grown up about it.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • ComprehensiveSet927 NTA. Have you considered wearing it to your rehearsal?
    via ConditionKey7353
  • forgetfulsue NTA. It's your wedding. I would have loved to wear my mom's dress but by the time I got married it no longer fit me.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • A bride is helped into an elegant wedding dress during a meaningful pre-ceremony moment filled with emotion and anticipation.
    via Unsplash+ (via Getty Images)

    A bride is helped into an elegant wedding dress during a meaningful pre-ceremony moment filled with emotion and anticipation.

    Image shown as a visual interpretation of the topic. Those depicted are models and do not portray the people involved in the account described.

  • Slow-Objective-7440 Nta for changing you mind but kinda TAH for telling her to quit bugging you. Couldn't you even try it on and then tell her you really would rather somewhere else? It's not just what you say, but how you say it and when you say it. It's a matter of maturity.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • Big-Sir2046 ΝΤΑ If u want, def don't feel like u need to. Ask her why this is so important to her... what it means in her head if ur wearing dress. Expression emotions. Both tell each other ur own experience and ur own emotions without the other person budding in. And then stick with ur no. But at least expressing ur own individual feelings could help. There's no correct reality we all just live in our own. But it might help u both to understand each other which would be the goal
    via ConditionKey7353
  • ProfessionalCat7640 NTA - I have seen a trend where bride's take their mother's wedding dresses and have them made into reception dresses with a more modern style. Then they can have their dress at their ceremony and still wear the dress that their mom had. Not sure if this is an option but it's just a thought.
    via ConditionKey7353
  • TheOnlyKirby90210 NTA. Your mom is toxic. She's trying to make it about herself. It's your wedding so wear whatever dress you want. As a heads up you may want to arrange it with the dress shop to have a double authorization or some kind of code that only you know in case your mom tries to sabotage your dress. When you get the dress keep it in a locked location or at a friend's house and don't tell anyone where it is. I don't know what it is about weddings that can bring out the worst levels of c
    via ConditionKey7353

  • The center of the debate here is more about maintaining promises made during childhood as a grown-up, rather than the issue with the dress. For this bride, saying no to the dress seemed less about the fashion and more about the future relationship with her mother.

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